Hey there! I’ve been slacking on this blog, just because I’ve been busy and exhausted here in Paris. Recently I’ve been oddly emotional. Not really sure why… Being here in Paris has been great, I’ve been super active just running around the city to castings and shoots.

But one of my main struggles has been my anxiety. As many people struggle with the same issues I do, it’s not fun. I am usually pretty good at handling my anxiety, but all the overthinking lately has been building up. I’m stressing about life, and school, modeling and again figuring out what the fuck I’m doing and how I’m going to accomplish my goals. My anxiety hasn’t let me think properly, I’m worried I’m going to fail here in Paris. As any typical model, I just want to work. I am hoping I can book some fantastic editorial and beautiful campaigns. As I’m struggling with my anxiety again, it is also affecting my confidence. I mentioned in another post about how women wear very little makeup here if not any. My agency doesn’t want me wearing any makeup to any castings. So I’ve been doing that and not realizing that I really am not comfortable not wearing makeup at all. I’ve been feeling kinda unattractive, and then I look at old pics of myself, and it makes me miss my blonde hair. I feel 100 times more confident with my blonde hair. So as a woman who loves her blonde and changed it to brunette because of modeling… then on top of that, not able to wear much makeup. My confidence is SO low. I am usually a SUPER confident woman who doesn’t give a fuck. But I guess because I am out of my comfort zone atm I am not feeling like myself. Since all those thoughts are going through my mind, it’s adding to my anxiety. I’m sure I am not the only model or women who have these off moment. But fuck putting on a show advertising how “confident” I am daily is exhausting. So I think all of those emotions, plus wanting to be successful here in Paris and also dealing with basic everyday issues is all building up causing my anxiety to be a problem…

ugh, I am not sure if it’s because of all my feelings lately that have been draining me. But I really haven’t been feeling right. Again, I’m sure I am not the only one who deals with this. But because of all these emotions and stress, I’ve been feeling way more exhausted. Lately, my appetite is meager, and I know it’s all from my stress. Some people, when they stress, they eat more. When I am stressed, my appetite is barely there… So that’s another issue adding onto my daily matters. I honestly am hating all these emotions I am dealing with, it is making me feel scattered, foggy, and not myself..

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