Life is confusing

I am a HUGE believer in when putting out positive energy; you will receive positive energy. As 2019 began, I told myself I have a great feeling about this year. I felt like modeling will finally take off, I will figure out other activities I love, finally meet a guy who isn’t a total dick. And channel those same passions, determination, and fire to both modeling other passions in life. I am the type of person when I want something I will work my ass off to get it. Although this year has been pretty amazing so far, there have been many downs. I try to be the friendliest most understanding person I can be and never potentially try to hurt anyone (I’d feel so bad if I did). I still manage to get screwed over by friends and men. It is honestly the worst when you think someone is a great friend and you find out they are not as great as you thought. I am always so confused about why this happens. For those times, I dropped everything when they needed me, or listened to them vent to me, and I still wonder how this happens. But I guess it is part of the growing process of life. Without the wounds and hard times you won’t learn.

As everybody knows, there are sooo many models to compete against. All beautiful women who want the same thing. Those jobs, that money, and maybe some even fame. As I’ve grown the fame does not matter to me, I personally want to make money and use that towards other passions of mine ( soon to figure out what they are). Whether it’s creating a brand or whatever else! Not only that but to thank my family for all the support they have given me. Unlike others, I am so grateful to have my family support my dreams and passions in life. I one day want to be that boss ass bitch to pay back my family for ALL the support and tell them I would not be here if it weren’t for them.

I always wonder why my passions and interests in life are so different than everyone else. I’m not sure about anyone else, but I ask myself what if I just went straight to college after high school as everyone else did. Would life be more straightforward if I had a regular 9-5 job at a corporate office? I see my little sister, who is 20, attending Baylor and interested in working as a PA. She seems to have a much more simple life. She has a plan, knows what she wants, a boyfriend, and has these steps to take to achieve them. As I am over here trying to figure out what I want to do after I finish college and what steps I will take to get there. I feel like a mess, a floater, and sometimes a disappointment. Although I am confused about life and don’t know what the fuck I am doing. The only thing I do know is that I want to be a boss ass bitch and an amazing woman.

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